Sri Bhagavan Darshan – Many excellent insights!


The transcript below was provided by Oneness Dubai:

Q1. Please guide us how to make Amma and Bhagwan more and more physical in our lives and how to take care of them?  Thank you Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: The two conditions for Amma Bhagwan to become physical to you is – you should carry no hurt inside you, you should be free of all hurt. And the next thing is: you must be filled with Gratitude towards everyone who has helped you in your life, starting with your Parents. If these two conditions are met then Amma Bhagwan would physically manifest in your own homes. When that happens, you must talk to Amma Bhagwan; the more you talk, the more physical they would become.

Initially, what would happen is you would find some movements in the Shrimurti. The eyes blinking, the hands moving, or Amma & Bhagwan talking, these kind of things you are likely to see. That is the first step. The next step is, Amma Bhagwan or your Ishta-devata, whatever God you are worshipping, that’s what you would see. That God would step out of the Shrimurti. In case you are worshipping Amma Bhagwan, they would step out of the Shrimurti. We call this the first level of manifestation. We also call this, “physical non-physical”, that is: it would look physical, but if you try to touch your hand would go inside Amma Bhagwan. Therefore it is non-physical. That is the first step.

Next what happens is, as you communicate more and more, as you talk more and more, then it becomes “physical physical”, that is it would look physical, you could also touch, you could feel the breath, you could touch the hand, you could touch the ‘Jubba’ (long shirt), all these things you could do, but then you cannot photograph. If you click the photograph, it would not come in the photograph.

The third level is it would become “physical physical physical”, it look physical, you could touch it is physical, you could also photograph. But then, Amma Bhagwan would stay inside your Pooja Room, they will not come out. In the fourth stage, they would come out of the Pooja Room, they would walk in your house. They could come to the dining table, they could watch TV with you, they could come into your kitchen, all these things would happen.

And in the fifth level, they could come out of the house itself and walk with you. That’s the next level. But for all this to happen, you must be very communicative. For example, if you are a very reserved person who does not talk, who does not listen, then Amma Bhagwan would not talk to you, would not listen to you. You must be a friendly person communicating with your Mother, with your Father, with your Husband, with your wife, with the children. Only for such people it would happen.

If you are a reserved person who does not listen to what anybody is talking, or you do not talk, for such people this would not happen. So step by step it would increase. And of course you must ask Amma Bhagwan, or your God who has manifested, what should you do? What kind of food they would like to eat – would they like to stay in your house – do you have a room for them … all these things are between you and your physical manifestation … you must talk, and they will guide you completely what to do.

Depending on that, they would be there and of course you can ask whatever you want. Whatever trouble you have you can directly ask, “I have financial problem”, “I have a health problem”, I have that problem, this problem, or you can say “Give me Awakening”, “Give me Transformation”, whatever we have been teaching you, you could straight away ask, and they would give you a Deeksha. That is the highest Deeksha.

God Himself, the Divine itself, coming to you physically giving you a Deeksha. When that Deeksha is given, it is all over. All the human Deeksha is only a preparation for that. The ultimate Deeksha is, the Divine itself give you a Deeksha. When that, that is done, it is all over. What you must know is the Divine can become very, very physical, it will actually live with you like another family member. It would become that physical. That you must understand.

Q2: Thank you, Bhagwan. Bhagwan, how to discover love in our relationships Bhagwan? Given our stressful lives, Bhagwan. Thank you, Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: Yes, love in relationships is also very, very important in making the Divine physical to you. And for that to happen, what you must do is: you must move into the shoes of your wife, or husband, or parents, as the case may be and try to look at things as the other is looking. You always have your point of view, that is not enough, you must move into the other person’s shoes and look at the world, or look at yourself as they are looking.

This is easily achieved, this is not difficult. When that happens judgment ceases. As judgment goes down, love goes up. You do not have love because you are constantly judging … the past, the past knowledge, the past images, with all that you are judging your spouse, be it your husband or your wife or your parents. Continuously the mind is judging; where there is judgment, there is no love, Judgment must stop. Nobody should be judged. And it is achieved only if you take the other person’s point of view. If that could happen, judgment naturally and automatically stops. When that happens, you are very beautifully filled with love. And once you have love in your heart, the Divine will quickly become “physical physical physical”.

Q3: Thank you, Bhagwan. Bhagwan, how to liberate our Ancestors, Bhagwan? How to receive their Blessings, Bhagwan? And how does it help in our daily lives, Bhagwan? Thank you, Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: It is very easy to liberate your Ancestors, by praying to your Divine, when your Divine become physical, to bring your Ancestors. Out of the Shrimurti your Ancestors would come out. You can actually see your Ancestors physically. And you could request your Amma Bhagwan or the God that you are worshipping to liberate them. It would happen then and there.

You can actually, physically meet your dead Ancestors. They can come out, it is happen in many places. And the best day to it is their Death Anniversary. During the Anniversaries, you could pray and they could come out. On that day you could also make dishes, which your Ancestor likes, place them there and your Ancestors would eat those dishes. They will eat it, it is happening. And they would be very, very happy with you and they would also give you a Blessing and they would go back to the Shrimurti and vanish. That is the best way to liberate your Ancestors and the best day is their Death Anniversary, whatever year it is 42nd year, or 43rd year or even the 50th year of the Anniversary you could do it.

Q4: Bhagwan, how does it help in our daily lives, Bhagwan … the Blessings of our Ancestors, Bhagwan?

Sri Bhagwan: Many of the problems are because of your Ancestors not being happy with you. Now this kind of thing, where you invoke them, get them there, and you do a PadaPranam to them, your dead Ancestors, and you feed them what they like and getting a Blessing from them would almost instantly solve your problems. The problems are there because you do not have their Blessings. That’s one way of solving your problems.

Q5: Thank you, Bhagwan. Bhagwan, please explain the deeper meaning of the statement, Bhagwan: “Gratitude is the mother of all good feelings”. Thank you, Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: You are all controlled by a ‘program’. All that is happening in our life, our finances, or husband-wife, sickness, ailments, success-failure, these are manifestations of the program. The program itself comes from past-lives, the moment of conception, whatever happened in the womb, the delivery – how it happened, and the first six hours are very, very crucial … and then the first six year. That is the program which completely controls everything about you.

Now, there are positive aspects and negative aspects in the program. When you have Gratitude, what happens is: all the positive things in the program they get switched on. And the negative things get switched off. On the other hand, if you do not have Gratitude then the positive ones get switched off and the negative ones get switched on. So one of the simplest ways of changing the program is to build up Gratitude. It can happen by easily going into the other persons shoes, or reviewing your life, it is easily achieved. Once you have Gratitude you will see your life is beginning to change.

Q6: Sri Bhagwan, please explain the difference between Physical Amma Bhagwan, Satyalok Amma Bhagwan, and Antaryamin Amma Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: So for this you must understand Amma & myself, we are not ‘physical’ Amma Bhagwan. We are only ‘Avatar Amma Bhagwan’, that’s all. We can give you a Blessing, we cannot do things; this is done by ‘Paramatma Amma Bhagwan’ who are becoming physical to you, in your homes or in the chambers. That is the Paramatma Amma Bhagwan who actually do things. Now, we are only some kind of Guides and we are blessing.

So you should now get to the Paramatma Amma Bhagwan, who become physical to you. They would be helping your with all your affairs, totally and completely. They would be taking care of your spiritual growth, everything. And in case they become physical to you can be sure that when you die you could be going to Vaikunt or Satyaloka above. That’s where you will be going. to go there, it means you have got your visa to go there, it is very physical.

Now, with the help of this Paramatma Amma Bhagwan you can go to the ‘Purushottama Amma Bhagwan’. That is another Loka (realm) where they exist, physically exist, much more real than this Loka. But you cannot get there without the help of the Paramatma Amma Bhagwan. So you should request them, ask them to take you there. When that happens, you could actually visit that Loka. And you could see Purushottama Amma Bhagwan there, or you could see Purushottama Rama, or Purushottama Krishna, Purushottama Christ, whatever is your faith, or whatever God you are worshipping, that is the God you would be seeing in that Loka.

Now, with the help of that Purushottama, let us say Amma Bhagwan, if you get close to them, build up a bond with them, then with that help, you could go to the ‘Jyoti’ (Divine Light). The Jyoti is much beyond. The Jyoti is like a billion Suns put together. But that Love or Compassion, you cannot imagine. You could even get there. And then, when you get to the Jyoti, with the help of the Jyoti, you could go to the unmanifest Bramhan or what in the Mantra we call: ‘Om’.

Now for example electricity we have no idea about it all. But when it manifests as heat, light, motion, or electromagnetic waves, then we know Oh yes, there is electricity. But when it is unmanifest, we have no idea about it. That Om or Bramhan is the unmanifest. That is the ground from which everything starts. In the Bible it is said, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God.” And God said, “Let there be Light”. That Word only is Om, that is the Bramhan, that is ‘The One’ of Taoism. That manifests as Light.

We start the Moolamantra with Om, and that Light is ‘Sat Chit Ananda Parabrahma’. That is the Moolamantra, it says, “Om, Sat Chit Ananda Parabrahma” … that becomes the Purushottama, that Light becomes the Purushottama. And therefore we say Purushottama. That Purushottama becomes the Paramatma. That why the Mantra says, Paramatma. And that Paramatma has created the Avatar, so we say, Bhagavati Sameta Bhagavate Namaha. That’s what you are reciting every day without knowing what it means!

But now, when the Lord becomes physical to you, you should ask, “Please take me to the Purushottama”. And when you get there you must ask, “Take me to Sat Chit Ananda Parabrahma”. And when you go there you can say, “Take me to Om or Bramhan”. So you could go there. And that’s where you will finally reach. So step by step you can go, it all depends on you. If you want to be one with the unmanifest God, you could you could go there and when you go there you will realize that you only are that God, in the beginning you see, the Avatars you see, then you see the Paramatma, then you see the Purushottama, then you see the Light.

But when you go into Om, the Bramhan, you only are that! You alone exist! You are everything! There is nothing else. You are only that sublime God, the highest God, the God of Gods. That, you only are that! All this is only a journey towards that. Suddenly you discover you only are that. Then you say, “Tat TvamAsi” – Thou Art That. Or “AhamBrahmasmin” – I Am That Bramhan. So all these teachings from the Upanishads, they become reality to you.

So AdiShankara got there. People like Ramanujacharya, Madhavacharya, Namdev, Chaitanya, all these people – Christ, Guru Nanak, all of them went up to the level of Purushottama. The Alvaars, the Nayanmaars. They could have gone above if they wanted to, but they wanted to stay there, that’s what they preferred. Some went into the Jyoti, like Ramalingaswamy who said, “Arul Perum Jyoti, Taniperum Karunai”. So they went there, and people like AdiShankara went beyond Jyoti into Bramhan.

So it is all a matter of discovery, it all depend upon you, where you want to go. But you must start with the Paramatma who becomes physical to you. That is the beginning of the journey. Once it happens everything is automatic thereafter. It depends on your passion and your seeking.

Q7: Bhagwan, what role does Seva play in our lives to deepen our connection with Amma Bhagwan, Bhagwan? And how does it help us to move further into Oneness, Bhagwan? Thank you, Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: Seva helps you in changing your very ‘program’, in a very positive way. As you keep doing Seva the program changes. Everything in Oneness, whether it is Havan, or whether it is a Mahadeeksha, or a Level-1 course or whatever course we are conducting, everything aims at changing the program. The Seva also changes the program. Once the program changes, you can get very very close to the Paramatma Amma Bhagwan.

It helps you to make the Divine physical for you in life. And then of course whatever Seva you must do Paramatma only will guide you straight away. It would say, do this, do that, it will help you to discover your Swadharma. It is purely between you and the Paramatma.

Q8: Bhagwan, please guide us how to start Oneness Communities, Bhagwan. And how to establish Oneness Centres, Bhagwan. And also the two-chamber and three-chamber Processes Bhagwan. Thank you, Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: First you must be able to get the Paramatma physically in your life. And then you must create a virtual community, where you keep talking on you cell phones every day about the teachings, about the Miracles, and you keep discussing about various problems, you pray for others, this kind of thing must happen. And then you move on to creating the chambers. Either the two-chamber Process or the three-chamber Process. For which we must, in the University here, we will ask the physical Amma Bhagwan, not we – the Paramatma who becomes physical.

Our Dasas talk to them every day. For the Dasas, Paramatma is totally physical. They will ask them, and they must select you. Only such people can start this two-chamber or three-chamber Process. The two-chamber Process is only for healing. The three-chamber Process is not just for healing, it is for solving your other problems and to help you to become Awakened, Transformed, God Realized, all those things.

That you must start. So first Paramatma must become physical to you; that’s most important. And then you start the virtual community. And then you move on to the chambers and then you move on to a physical Oneness Community. For all that, the Divine only will help you; it will help you in constructing, putting up the Communities. It is purely between you and the Paramatma.

Q9: Thank you, Bhagwan. How to progress towards Transformation and God Realization after Awakening, Bhagwan? Thank you, Bhagwan.

Sri Bhagwan: Oneness moves on two paths. The earlier path was, which we even now do, what we call the ‘long way’. Where we first transform your brain, and we Awaken you. Which means a change has happened in your brain whereby you would be able to stay with the ‘what-is’ without effort. That you must practice. Initially you must put effort and stay with the ‘what-is’. Then slow the effort ceases and it becomes automatic – staying with the ‘what-is’ effortlessly happens. And you keep on doing that till it crosses 49 minutes. When it crosses 49 minutes changes, physical changes start happening in your heart. Like the brain changed, the heart changes.

Now, the heart and the brain are closely linked. But very often in our case the head is controlling all your activities. Now once this happens the heart begins to control all your activities. We call this ‘Christian Awakening’, or you discover unconditional love. That happens. Once this has happened, and the Brain has changed, and they continue for more than 49 minutes, you move into ‘Taoist Awakening’.

In Taoist Awakening, you would simple flow with life. That begins to happen automatically. Or also leads to Islamic surrender, or we call it ‘Islamic Awakening’. That’s what happens. And then finally changes begin to happen in what is called your Agneya Chakra, it moves there, where you discover ‘Buddhist Awakening’.

In Buddhist Awakening there is absolutely no craving, and there are no views, that happens. And then the Kundalini goes up further and the Sahasrara get activated. And then you come up on ‘Hindu Awakening’. In Hindu Awakening what happens is your senses get disjointed. For example, when you see you cannot hear, when you hear you cannot smell, and when you smell you cannot touch. But it looks as though it is all happening at the same time, because these senses are being coordinated so very fast. That gives the illusion of your being there.

Actually you are not there, but the senses are creating the illusion – a trick being played on you by your brain as though you are there. In Hindu Awakening, this is slowed down, that is – when you hear you cannot smell, when you small you cannot touch – in a fraction of a second it is separated. Once that happens, the ‘Self’ is gone, what you call the ‘Biological Self’, is gone.

If you look at a tree, you are not there looking at the tree, only the tree is there. If you look at the Moon, you are not looking at the Moon, only the Moon is there, it is filling your Consciousness, that’s all, you are not there. When you look at the sky, only the sky is there. Whatever you look at, that only is there. You are not there. That is Hindu Awakening. All this happens, step-by-step, you have to be going on practicing staying with the ‘what-is’ ….

Once you get the Paramatma in your life then you have to only say, “I want Christian Awakening!”. One Deeksha, it is done. You must say, “I want Buddhist Awakening!”, one Deeksha, it is done. “I want Islamic Awakening!”, one Deeksha, it is done. “I want Hindu Awakening!”, it is done. Over. We call this the ‘short way’. That is the long way. So nowadays we run two Courses, for example for the Western people when we say “Oneness Deepening” that deals with the long way.

Now for example what is starting now is called the “Special Oneness Deepening”, there we teach them the ‘short way’. So there’s a ‘long way’, there is a ‘short way’. So it is up to you to choose whether you want the ‘long way’ or the ‘short way’, it is purely yours.

So, We spoke about AdiShankara moving beyond the Light into Bramhan or Om. So about 1600 years ago he has chanted ….

Sri Bhagwan: Sorry for the break, we will continue with the Chants.

[Vikram Dasaji chants the “NirvanaDashakam” first revealed by AdiShankara – 10 verses that are said to contain the essence of all Vedatic teachings. Each verse ends with “Shiva Kevaloham” – ‘I am the form of Pure Auspiciousness’.]

Sri Bhagwan: Now, are there people who have experienced all these States? Yes. Most of the Dasas for whom the Divine is physical have experienced all these States. For examples, your Dasa, VikramDasaji has fully experienced all these States. He talks from his personal experience.
All the Blessings to you, soon you should also be able to experience all these States. It is starting to happen to people, to the Devotees, and it will happen to you also!
Love you all, love you so much, love you!

Have no doubt that the process is ON!

One thing has become clear (well, many things have become clear – clarity is certainly a part of this evolution, on many, many levels!). The clarity of today’s topic is that this evolution is NOT going to seem like a linear experience.  It is not – or should I clarify: it does not SEEM like it is – steady, constant or always moving in what one would think was the “right direction.”

Amazing moments and weeks and months of clarity, joy, bliss, and miraculous insights can seem to suddenly disintegrate into inexplicable confusion, pain, sorrow: an experience that feels as if you’ve “fallen out” of what ever it felt like you were “in.”  It can be jarring. And it can seem devastating, if you fall into the story that somehow you are separated from the experience of Oneness. That you are doing something wrong. That you have somehow been abandoned. That God/ the Universe/ Life/ Love somehow have let you down, or, even worse, are just plain out to get you.

But the truth is, *WHATEVER* you are experiencing, IS your process.  What isn’t helping you, is the perception that it is *not* the process, that somehow you are not being supported in the awakening/ expansions/ or fully living in the present moment of Oneness.

From a narrow, ego-centered perspective, life is erratic, painful, full of suffering, punishing experiences, toxic environments… You establish expectations, live life by “rules” you decide are true, and then feel beat-up, put-upon and betrayed when the expectations are not met, and rules seem to be unbending or broken.

And then we frequently respond to this “falling out” with what is not actually useful – adopting behaviors to try to “manage” the pain and suffering, or spending countless hours (and dollars) to “figure out” the source of our suffering.  I tell you (again, from my own, personal experience!) a profound and useful and imminently effective awareness is shared in this teaching:

Q: What is the best course to follow when one encounters suffering. Bhagavan, please also give us more clarity on what is “running away from

Sri Bhagavan: Well! There is no need to give clarity on running away from suffering, because you are doing it all the time. Whenever you say ‘I am suffering,’ it means you are running away from suffering. Because if you could turn around and confront the suffering, soak in it, embrace it, fall in love with it, be with it, accept it, do all these things. Then, see for yourself what happens!

“Fall in love” with suffering?!  That hardly sounds like an endearing process. But a phenomenal thing occurs when we stop trying to distract ourselves from what we are experiencing as pain and suffering, and simply sink into the fullness of the experience.  Does it seem hard and painful? Yes. AND, by invoking your Divine into the process/ realizing that your Divine is present in the process, it is possible. Do-able. Be-able. Survivable.

How do you invoke your Divine into such a process? How do you even feel connected with a “Divine” strongly enough to *want* to invoke your Divine, especially if you’re suffering, and questioning if there really *IS* a God? And if the Divine is always present, why should you have to “invoke” it?

We’ll go into this process, and what I mean when I say “invoke the Divine,” as we continue our convo….

How do you feel about “soaking in” your suffering?  How about “invoking the Divine?”  Leave me a comment…



And Why Are We Talking About This?

(not sure why all my post titles are questions, lately – but there it is!)

I’m talking about this all, because I believe that life is meant to be happy. And the only one who can make one’s life happy, is one’s self. And by self, I am not talking about ego or personality – I am actually back to referring to Source. the Divine. Some folks call it the higher self.

Do you get it? I am saying it takes DIVINE INTERVENTION to be a happy person, living a happy life, building happy communities, making happy choices, and, ultimately, creating a happy world.

And now you’re laughing, right?!  Damned straight it’ll take “Divine Intervention” to create a happy world. Have you seen the world lately?  Not a whole lot of happy getting talked about, is there?!

And when most folks talk about “Divine Intervention,” they’re talking about something unlikely. Something out of reach. Something unrealistic.

And that’s where what I’m talking about diverges from that kind of mindset and belief system. Because my experience is that Divine Intervention is simple and immediate and transformational. And I want to share that experience, and these insights with you, so that you can have this experience, too (or deepen the experiences of this that you are already having).

IT IS TIME TO CREATE THAT HAPPY WORLD. NOW.  That’s why I’m talking about this.  It’s time to emerge from the paradigm of misery, and emerge into the paradigm of love.

Are you having experiences of Divine Intervention? Or maybe you call your experiences of shift something else… Tell me about it in the comments.

(c) 2005 Bill Keane Inc.

(c) 2005 Bill Keane Inc.

What shifted?

What DID shift, to bring me out of the hurtful loop of abusive behavior I had programmed myself into?

I mentioned earlier that I started to explore all sorts of consciousness-expanding modalities. Let me be very clear: I’m not talking drugs. That sh*t is never worth it. As near as I can tell, NO lasting benefits will occur using chemical mind-altering substances, and the side-effects and collateral damage can be brutal.

I’m talking about tapping into the wisdom that ALL of creation is energy, and exploring ways of “working with” that energy, and the amazing and limitless things one becomes aware of, in those experiences. I mentioned some of the avenues I explored, in an earlier post. Each one brought me new insights, new expansions. And ONE approach, ultimately, has proven to me to be simple and direct and immediate and continually expansive.

It is the approach of Oneness Consciousness, and specifically, the processes that I have learned at an incredible little spiritual school in southern India, called Oneness University.  I will speak of these experiences and processes as we continue our conversations, here. Right now, I just want to say this:

FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE (so, this is not someone *telling* me this, this is me *experiencing* this for myself), there is only ONE of “us,” “here.”  EVERYTHING that we see/ experience/ interact with/ conceive of – EVERYTHING arises out of this ONE.  I use the word Consciousness. Sometimes I’ll say the Divine. Universal Consciousness. God/Goddess. Source. Love. Life.  I will use these words interchangeably, because it is my experience and perspective that they all refer to the same thing.

If you feel a connection with any one of those terms, or have another term that you use to refer to that which is MOST SACRED, MOST SPECIAL, the SOURCE of all that is – then use that term for yourself.

In these conversations, it is never about me preaching or teaching some type of religious approach to you. I am always going to be encouraging you to deepen your own experience, your own connection, your own bond, with your own Divine.  Because THAT is what has shifted *my* life – and, I’d love to share that shift with you.

I’ll repeat that. What shifted for me, is establishing, developing, and deepening a bond with *my* Divine.  And I will certainly talk more about that, as we go on…

Do you have a connection with your Divine? Do you use a term other than those I’ve referred to, above, for that which is most special/ most sacred to you?  Tell me about it in the comments.

And thanks for walking with me for these steps in my journey… I am glad you’re here.


☛ Frank and Ernest by Bob Thaves: “Paradigm Shift”, originally published on February 26, 1998. © 1998 by Thaves.

Why am I telling you all this?

I’ve felt compelled to share some of my history, simply because it continues to take me by surprise when people in my life now make comments like “Are you ever not smiling?” “Have you ever been unhappy?” “Do you ever get upset about anything?”

Because, of course things occur in my life and I don’t smile, and I feel sad, and I get upset. Heck, for a long time in my life, I “smiled” under such duress, I’m not sure I knew what a genuinely happy smile looked like/ felt like. I was so deeply unhappy, I couldn’t imagine there was anything else to be. And happy people looked so strange, and foreign; I decided they were fake. Or doing drugs. I was upset about damned near *everything* in my life.  I hurt, deep within the center of my being; I ached. And I hated it. And me. And everything.

And the events in my life have not magically changed. There are still things that are very sad and very challenging that happen in my life. What is different, is, oddly enough, that I fully experience them – no matter how crappy or even happy that they feel to me in the moment – I fully experience them when they happen. (We’ll talk about what that means, as we go along…)

I have come to realize that the pain and suffering that I felt to be the constant of my life, was occurring because – out of my fear of the pain and suffering – I was trying to NOT experience what was happening, fully. Heck, I was trying to NOT experience it, any at all. Hello!! It was crappy! Who would want to experience that fully? That would be fully crappy!!  Or so I thought.  And so I continued “living”  in this odd little story that I wanted to be happy, so I must push away, or push down, or choke on, every emotion that didn’t fit my definition of “happy” or “positive” or “good” or “right.”

I was flipping exhausted all the time, trying to stop all the “negative” “bad” “wrong” thoughts and emotions and events from occurring in my life. From occurring in me. And I was miserable. And the people I tried to love? Well, I’m guessing they were pretty miserable, too.  I say “tried to love,” because, tell me truly – how loving can a person be, when their core experience is misery?  Of course, there is love; of course there is caring; of course there is wanting the best for everyone that one loves…. But, again, how functional, how uplifting, how nurturing can “love” be, when it is sourced in a steady background of self-loathing and pain?

Does any of this sound any kind of familiar?  Now that I am not caught up in that matrix of misery, it is easy to see it around me, everyday; people continuing to do this crazy thing to themselves and the people they love, all the time.

And I am here, saying all of this, to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way. That a shift is possible. And it is easy, if you want it. And the effects are transformational. And, while the focus is simply on your self – the ripple effects are impossible to stop!  This shift will impact your closest friends and relatives. And out into your community. And it will flipping Change The World.  And it is. Changing the World, that is.  And, if you come along for the ride – well, you can tell me if anything changes for you.  Talk to me, in the comments…

A New View of “Self-Responsibility”

In my previous post, I talked about my self-abusive take on “taking responsibility,” thinking that what I was doing was a shift from the self-blaming I seemed to naturally resort to in my life’s experiences. It took quite a bit of a change in perspective to realize that my so-called alternative to self-blaming was just as hurtful and self-misleading as self-blaming.  It took quite a bit of change in perspective to realize how horribly hurtful and damaging both of those approaches truly were – not just to my own self, but to everyone with whom I was in relationship.

A steady stream of self-hate does not nourish love. (yeah, go ahead and say “DUH!” – it’s true.) One who does not feel love for herself, cannot truly experience love for any one else.  (Does that seem as obvious to you?)  How would one have any idea what love and loving truly is, when the day to day experience of self-loathing is the major life experience?

In what was at first a slow evolution, I experienced a shift in the way I chose to interact with myself. I was so tired of being in so much emotional pain, for so long, all the time. I began to open up to the universe for the possibility of a different experience. I began to ask the universe for a different experience. And, amazingly, I began to have a different experience. And the shift occurred when I opened up to the possibility of Divine Grace.  My own version of “finding Jesus,” I guess.  Just no names… [half-grin]

My awareness of “responsibility” shifted, tremendously. New awareness: Response-ability. The ability to respond. To what is truly present. What’s different? Responding, instead of re-acting. To what is truly present, instead of to the stories I was telling myself about what was happening. These are way bigger insights than I can cover, in this post. We’ll definitely revisit, & drill deeper on this.

Anyway, some amazing things began to happen. I began to have glimpses, feelings of unbounded love, happiness, joy.   I learned about such things as energy healing (reiki, shamballah, accupressure, healing touch, and more).  I began to explore the idea, and limits, of consciousness (I checked out the Monroe Institute, Remote Viewing, MultiDimensional Healing, and others).  And my life shifted exponentially.

Stay tuned – we’ll talk more…  What kinds of shifts of awareness/ perception have you experienced? How has it changed your life (or has it?)?

You gotta love this: as I was writing this post, a friend posted this image on facebook:  [full grin!]


Trouble in the -hoods: Huge, Painful Mis-understanding….

It has been revolutionary for me to realize that there is a huge difference between “taking responsibility” and blaming myself.

For a very long time, my go-to response when something went wrong was to blame myself. I was stupid. I was wrong. I did the wrong thing. I said the wrong thing.   This would then spiral into a long, often incredibly drawn out, constant, ever-deepening self-loathing. What a worthless, despicable, horrible person/ waste of oxygen and space on this planet I felt myself to be.  I am not exaggerating. It was/ I was brutal.  To me. Constantly.  And, if, for any reason, things went well, it was source for instant “impostor syndrome” – people just don’t realize that I am worthless, despicable and horrible, or they wouldn’t be supporting me…..

I would swing back and forth, between “building myself up” and feeling totally valueless and defeated.  Reading self-help book after self-help book; gobbling up articles in magazines (that’s what we read back then,  kids…)  about how to be a better… friend, employee, person… anything/everything — just knowing that I totally needed to NOT BE ME, to somehow be better than that.

So I’d go from blaming myself – this is all my fault and I’m such a miserable excuse of a person; to “taking responsibility” – yes, I’m a miserable excuse of a person, but, see I’m trying to improve myself.

Are you getting a sense of a problem, there? Well, there are lots of them – but here’s the one I’m drilling at: what I was calling taking responsibility was just another version of blaming myself.  Do you see that?  Holy f-in’ moly!!  I was never going to get out of that pit that I just kept digging for myself, no matter what I called it.

It went on for years – throughout childhood, adolescence, adulthood, wife-hood, motherhood, divorce-hood.  It was rampant in every “hood” I went through. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Suicidal behaviors. Vicious, brutal self-loathing, permeating every cell of my being. Feeling un-lovable, unless I was being what someone else wanted me to be, because who I thought I was, was so ugly and uncomfortable for me. Trying to love and be loving, but, without that experience of my own, with myself, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THAT REALLY WAS!

So, did anything/ could anything/ can anything ever change?

YES – something changed for me!  All sourced in a shift of perception. And the shift in perception allowed me the clarity to see that there is a better, more helpful, more loving, more holistic way of “taking responsibility,” and Oh. My. – yes, I’ll say it: God.  This shift has changed my life.  And I tell you, it can change yours, too.

Anything here resonate with you?  Stick with me as I continue to examine these shifts and experiences – and tell me about your own experiences, in the comments.