In my previous post, I talked about my self-abusive take on “taking responsibility,” thinking that what I was doing was a shift from the self-blaming I seemed to naturally resort to in my life’s experiences. It took quite a bit of a change in perspective to realize that my so-called alternative to self-blaming was just as hurtful and self-misleading as self-blaming. It took quite a bit of change in perspective to realize how horribly hurtful and damaging both of those approaches truly were – not just to my own self, but to everyone with whom I was in relationship.
A steady stream of self-hate does not nourish love. (yeah, go ahead and say “DUH!” – it’s true.) One who does not feel love for herself, cannot truly experience love for any one else. (Does that seem as obvious to you?) How would one have any idea what love and loving truly is, when the day to day experience of self-loathing is the major life experience?
In what was at first a slow evolution, I experienced a shift in the way I chose to interact with myself. I was so tired of being in so much emotional pain, for so long, all the time. I began to open up to the universe for the possibility of a different experience. I began to ask the universe for a different experience. And, amazingly, I began to have a different experience. And the shift occurred when I opened up to the possibility of Divine Grace. My own version of “finding Jesus,” I guess. Just no names… [half-grin]
My awareness of “responsibility” shifted, tremendously. New awareness: Response-ability. The ability to respond. To what is truly present. What’s different? Responding, instead of re-acting. To what is truly present, instead of to the stories I was telling myself about what was happening. These are way bigger insights than I can cover, in this post. We’ll definitely revisit, & drill deeper on this.
Anyway, some amazing things began to happen. I began to have glimpses, feelings of unbounded love, happiness, joy. I learned about such things as energy healing (reiki, shamballah, accupressure, healing touch, and more). I began to explore the idea, and limits, of consciousness (I checked out the Monroe Institute, Remote Viewing, MultiDimensional Healing, and others). And my life shifted exponentially.
Stay tuned – we’ll talk more… What kinds of shifts of awareness/ perception have you experienced? How has it changed your life (or has it?)?
You gotta love this: as I was writing this post, a friend posted this image on facebook: [full grin!]
Integral Real 